So...it's been a little while since I got back from San Francisco, and I had planned on posting once more the night that I got back into Kansas, typing away at the airport.
However, what ended up happening was I spent almost my entire flight from Denver to KC writing. Like real writing. With a pen and paper and everything. I ended up filling three pages front and back, and afterwards I just felt calm. I haven't done that much writing in a long time.
I've decided to include some excerpts from my entry for the day that I felt were representative of how I felt in the moment and how I feel now.
"I think that reading my book before leaving for San Francisco was perfect timing. I had this fear that all of my alone time and reflection would make me want to just be 100% independent again, but it actually made me realize how much I take people for granted and that I should cherish the good people in my life."
"I've always sort of disregarded teaching in the same way that I've disregarded writing as a profession. Doesn't pay well, there's a sense of impracticality about it, and people don't really see it as prestigious. But is prestige what I want? Maybe in the eyes of those who I work with, but I think that will come easily enough as long as I'm doing something I love. That's the hardest part."
"I think I've always known that I wasn't going to be the same old innocent girl all my life. I've just been going through the processes of growing up. It was like I said to Leslie before: Everything is a process, and each moment in life prepares you for the next...My view is much more relaxed now. Definitely positive when things are crappy, and less cautionary. I want things to be a little less planned in the future. Accepting of change and willing to take on a lifestyle I never knew I could lead. When I was on the beach yesterday, I starting thinking about the way James talks about his brothers. He always says to me "You know, they're all I have. My brothers are my life. I'm always gonna be there for them." And it made me feel like "You know, I could be anywhere in the world as long as my sister was close." I started thinking about our first trip abroad together, which still hasn't been planned...I pictured us both just masters of public transit, not having experienced rail lines together before but independently. I bet we've had a lot of the same experiences apart. So then when we finally got to get together, we'd be on the same page about stuff like we always are."
"I think the thing I want most is patience in my job. I love that there's a laziness about island life and also working in a retirement home. I miss everyone at Meadowlark."
Having had a bit of time to reflect on my time in San Francisco, I realize that I am a different person as a result of my experiences. I see the value of living in a big city as well as a smaller town. I understand the limits to what I can accomplish in Lawrence, and definitely get why so many people have chosen to retire here. It's a relatively safe place, there's plenty of old-person stuff to do, and you still get to take part in the college basketball scene. I actually think that it's best I'm going to KU and living at home while doing so. If I had decided to go to college in another city which had as many attractions and stuff to do as San Francisco, I would either flunk out of school because I was distracted by all the new activities or I would be upset with myself because I would spend all my time in the library instead of seeing the city.
That's the thing. I know for a fact that there's not going to be much of a difference between now and when I go to KU, as far as getting out and about goes. I usually only get enough me time to do one thing per week during the evenings, and then the rest of the time I just study. I can't be at home because family is distracting, and I have to be in a studious environment in order to accomplish anything. I think I would be upset paying a ton of money to go out of state and then not even get to enjoy it. So I'm excited for traveling.
Since my journal entry, Casey (my sister) and I decided that we're going to take a vacation to CUBA! I can't wait for Caribbean Spanish. :)
One definitive change since I left SF is my ability to step back from a situation I'm about to be completely emotionally involved in, evaluate it, and then realize that there are alternatives to expressing anger. Communication is so, so important. Never forget that.
However, what ended up happening was I spent almost my entire flight from Denver to KC writing. Like real writing. With a pen and paper and everything. I ended up filling three pages front and back, and afterwards I just felt calm. I haven't done that much writing in a long time.
I've decided to include some excerpts from my entry for the day that I felt were representative of how I felt in the moment and how I feel now.
"I think that reading my book before leaving for San Francisco was perfect timing. I had this fear that all of my alone time and reflection would make me want to just be 100% independent again, but it actually made me realize how much I take people for granted and that I should cherish the good people in my life."
"I've always sort of disregarded teaching in the same way that I've disregarded writing as a profession. Doesn't pay well, there's a sense of impracticality about it, and people don't really see it as prestigious. But is prestige what I want? Maybe in the eyes of those who I work with, but I think that will come easily enough as long as I'm doing something I love. That's the hardest part."
"I think I've always known that I wasn't going to be the same old innocent girl all my life. I've just been going through the processes of growing up. It was like I said to Leslie before: Everything is a process, and each moment in life prepares you for the next...My view is much more relaxed now. Definitely positive when things are crappy, and less cautionary. I want things to be a little less planned in the future. Accepting of change and willing to take on a lifestyle I never knew I could lead. When I was on the beach yesterday, I starting thinking about the way James talks about his brothers. He always says to me "You know, they're all I have. My brothers are my life. I'm always gonna be there for them." And it made me feel like "You know, I could be anywhere in the world as long as my sister was close." I started thinking about our first trip abroad together, which still hasn't been planned...I pictured us both just masters of public transit, not having experienced rail lines together before but independently. I bet we've had a lot of the same experiences apart. So then when we finally got to get together, we'd be on the same page about stuff like we always are."
"I think the thing I want most is patience in my job. I love that there's a laziness about island life and also working in a retirement home. I miss everyone at Meadowlark."
Having had a bit of time to reflect on my time in San Francisco, I realize that I am a different person as a result of my experiences. I see the value of living in a big city as well as a smaller town. I understand the limits to what I can accomplish in Lawrence, and definitely get why so many people have chosen to retire here. It's a relatively safe place, there's plenty of old-person stuff to do, and you still get to take part in the college basketball scene. I actually think that it's best I'm going to KU and living at home while doing so. If I had decided to go to college in another city which had as many attractions and stuff to do as San Francisco, I would either flunk out of school because I was distracted by all the new activities or I would be upset with myself because I would spend all my time in the library instead of seeing the city.
That's the thing. I know for a fact that there's not going to be much of a difference between now and when I go to KU, as far as getting out and about goes. I usually only get enough me time to do one thing per week during the evenings, and then the rest of the time I just study. I can't be at home because family is distracting, and I have to be in a studious environment in order to accomplish anything. I think I would be upset paying a ton of money to go out of state and then not even get to enjoy it. So I'm excited for traveling.
Since my journal entry, Casey (my sister) and I decided that we're going to take a vacation to CUBA! I can't wait for Caribbean Spanish. :)
One definitive change since I left SF is my ability to step back from a situation I'm about to be completely emotionally involved in, evaluate it, and then realize that there are alternatives to expressing anger. Communication is so, so important. Never forget that.
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