Sometimes things that happened a week ago feels like three months, and other times something that happened three months ago felt like it was just yesterday. I'm sure it doesn't help that I've physically relocated, turned town a fellowship, enrolled in summer classes, and decided to launch a consulting business. In short, a lot of shit is going on. And I think the coming of CSA deliveries on Mondays and Tuesdays here at Lida Farm are one of the reasons why the weeks of summer feel like they are flying by.
Somewhere along the way, in the many adventures of the last six or eight weeks, I decided to eliminate the reputation I have of not finishing things - of half-assing it and calling it good. When I say half-ass that's more like me not putting in 120% to get over my perfectionism, but what I'm talking about here is commitment.
Oxford has some funny definitions of the word: "the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc." and "an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom from action".
Now that first one is admirable, but the second one is downright enslaving. Restricts freedom from action? What about 'liberates one to focus on what really matters'? This is what I'm feeling, having made a rather large life decision - and commitment - to a place.
My big commitment was deciding to make West Central Minnesota my new home. And not just for the summer. While I went into things anticipating my time here in Pelican Rapids ending tomorrow, a couple of deep conversations with close friends made me realize how shitty it is when I can't make up my mind - Not just for me, but everyone around me. People are just waiting for my next move, watching and anticipating something great.
But you can't do great things if you're scattered across a thousand different projects and opportunities.
I've certainly learned this the hard way. And I've kept many people in my life on their toes because they had know idea what was coming next. But it's exhausting. Mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting.
Having put myself in somewhat of a precarious position at the beginning of the summer by deciding not to move forward with the Lead for Minnesota Fellowship, I felt very ungrounded. Aloof. Disoriented because I knew where I would be for the summer - apprenticing on a 5 acre CSA farm - but no clue of what was coming next, and knowing that half of my belongings were in the basement of the apartment I rented in Minneapolis.
My current reality is anything but disorienting, I can promise you that.
The changes that have occurred in my lifestyle this summer are pretty dramatic, and a much needed shift from the reality that I was experiencing living in south Minneapolis. Having left just a few days after George Floyd's murder - and subsequent burning down of my neighborhood - the silence and peace of rural Minnesota felt like a giant hug. I still feel like the birds that sing outside my window every morning are like my own personal orchestra.
So what changed? What am I doing differently now that allowed me to commit - and for doors to open left and right? How might you similarly find a dose of joy in the craziness that is the pandemic and politics and everything that doesn't give you hope right now?
1. Listening to my gut
This is what told me that it's no coincidence I ended up here in Pelican Rapids
2. Daily meditation
Listening to a recording on YouTube first thing when I wake up; about to enroll in Ziva School!
3. Teaching myself to master my hormones
Read the Copy Cure and realized that I have high cortisol and most likely thyroid issues. Turns out HIIT and running weren't doing much for that. :) Taking a daily vitamin and fish oil now.
4. Daily yoga practice
I stream videos on YouTube every morning, always a style based on how my body is feeling that morning. I typically swing back and forth between power yoga, sun salutation-heavy flows, and yin yoga.
5. Physical activity
I work anywhere between 4 and 6 hours a day on the farm, which has been a much needed change of pace from being behind a computer screen.
6. Filling my body with nourishing foods
Fresh fruit and veggies galore around here! No microwave means I don't do as much meal prep as before - and what I eat is generally less cooked down. I've noticed a spike in my energy levels because of it.
7. Cutting down screen time and reading for pleasure at night
I strive for 8 p.m. to be my cutoff time, although some days have been bad, where I'll be working until 1 or 2 a.m. to pound through a project. I've never found there to be a positive gain from staying up all night, so I just gave up and started letting my body rest. I'm much more productive when I do.
8. Teaching myself new skills and learning as much as I can
Much of this comes from podcasts while working on the farm, although in the mornings I try to work for an hour on Mezclada - my business - teaching myself about web design, content marketing, etc.
In short, I'm finding my way back to wellness, by filling up my cup first. I refuse to believe that doing so is selfish. In fact, it's quite the opposite, because the energy and life that I bring to the work I do now is infectious - I've have numerous people tell me that I'm practically glowing. No alcohol or recreational drugs necessary.
Most people might look at this list and ask 'Where would I find the time to do all of that?' And it does seem a bit daunting at first. I spend anywhere from 8-10 hours working a day, yet I find time to do all of this, plus have time to spend chatting on the phone with friends, going swimming at the beach, and cooking delicious meals at home from scratch.
There are only 24 hours in a day. Most people work about 80,000 hours in their lifetime. When you think about the stories that you want others to tell about you when you've left this world, what gets you excited? What would it take for you to get closer to that person? What's one small step that you can take today?
If there's one thing I can leave you with, it is this:
The world is just waiting for you to shine with the happiness that comes from doing what you love. Fuck anyone who says you don't deserve it.
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